A monster can make you realize what no one else can
by SapphicKat
Summary: SPOILER ALERT FOR SEASON 2 EP 10 This fic begins with Maura and Jane's thoughts while held hostage by Hoyt in 2.10. Feelings are realized or realized they are reciprocated in this and then they have to go on from there after they escape Hoyt. Starts off with a strong T for the violence of that scene, but becomes an M in later chapters for the progression of their romance.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: This is the first fic I've published, so be gentle with me. Also, it's unbetaed. My apologies for any errors, they are mine, and mine alone.

Disclaimer: I own nothing, and gain no profit from this.

Jane's POV

I just want this fucking case to be over. I put Hoyt behind me and move on with my life and as soon as that happens I mean as soon as the nightmares stop, he pulls some shit and makes me see him in the flesh so they can start all over again. This is going to go down as the crappiest birthday ever.

"Jane?"

I glance over at Maura in the passenger seat. I know the line she fed me about figuring out what was the morphine was crap, but I also want her with me. I don't want to do this alone, but I'll be damned if I tell her that. "Yeah, Maura?"

"I want you to stay at my place tonight."

"Maura, I'm not going to let this bastard keep me out of my house. I will keep living my life."

"Fine, then I'm staying with you tonight."

I grin. "Oh, really? And what would Miss Manners say about you just inviting yourself over as an overnight guest?"

Maura fell silent. Part of me was afraid that I'd sarcasamed her one too many times and she was going to give in. But then she smiled, "I think, that given the extenuating circumstances of our situation, Emily Post would say that it is perfectly acceptable as long as I bring dinner and plenty of wine."

Despite the situation, I grinned and shook my head, that woman can always make me laugh and distract me from what scares me. "Okay, well, if dinner's on you, and you're willing to get me drunk, feel free to invite yourself over. I can't have Miss Manners holding more things against me than she already does."

We pulled up to the jail and after I got out of the car, I stared up at the prison. I felt Maura take my hands in hers and I looked up sharply. "Maura?"

"You were rubbing your scars, you don't realize you do it, do you?"

I shook my head slowly. Maura squeezed my hands gently and then let them go. I took a deep breath and we walked into the jail.

"Jail Administrator Asshat better not make us get pat downs again," I muttered to Maura.

She giggled but at the same time said "Jane, language."

We were, in fact, given pat downs again. And then we finally made our way down the hallway to the infirmary to see Hoyt.

I walked in the door first, Maura and Hoyt's guard followed me in. "Hoyt," I said sharply, ready to get this over with so I could go to my not really a surprise, surprise My Pretty Pony Party and then get drunk with Maura.

"He's been in and out of it," the guard explained.

Well fan fucking tastic, why did he call me down here then. I looked at the whimpering man on the bed and the quietness of the room. "It's not fair."

Maura touched my arm in sympathy, "Maybe he'll still be able to talk to you."

That Maura, always trying to solve the problem. I shook my head to show her she'd misunderstood. "It's not fair because how can a person who tortured so many people get to go out so peacefully?"

I watch as my own personal boogy man stirs and whispers, "Jane? Jane...Jane...come closer...have more bad things to tell you."

The last thing I want to do is get any closer to this monster. In fact, I want to run out the door dragging Maura with me, but the thought of being able to bring peace to even one more family strengthens me. I sigh and slowly move next to the bed, ready to get this over with. "I'm here."

Suddenly my world is shifting and I'm falling. I'm being tugged down to Hoyt. I can't believe what is happening at first, he's supposed to be at death's door and he's tugging me around. I look over to the guard, "Get him off me!"

The guard smirks at me and grabs Maura. She realizes what's happening and screams trying to get away, but he just holds her and laughs, "I think I'll watch."

Hoyt holds me down and the guard has put Maura in zip ties and the guard is holding the tazer against her. I am paralyzed. I don't want him to hurt Maura so I stop fighting Hoyt. I need to think. Come on, Janie, think of something.

Hoyt's hand is around my throat and he strokes my face, "Happy Birthday, Jane." I recoil from his touch and close my eyes. I wish Maura weren't here, I don't want her to die at the hands of my personal nightmare. She and I both know what he is capable of. Stop thinking about that, Jane. Find a way to save yourself and Maura.

"I was so hoping you were smart enough to put together my clues. Was it fun? LIke a murder treasure hunt," Hoyt hissed.

I can't let him know how afraid I am, he gets off on that. I take a deep breath. "I should have killed you when I had the chance," I spit back at him

"Yeah, you should've." Hoyt reaches back toward Mason with one hand, "The taser." Mason hops to like a puppy giving it to Hoyt and taking the scalpel. Hoyt puts the taser across my neck, not choking me yet, but wanting me to fear it. "I could turn it on if you like."  
"NO!" I hear Maura scream from across the room. I look over at her quickly and hope I can tell her with my eyes how sorry I am that she has to go through this.

Hoyt is running the taser along my face, "I always finish what I start."

I look away from Maura's eyes which are so filled with fear it tears me up. The weak link here is Mason, to get us out of here alive, I have to turn him. "He played you, Mason. Just like he plays all his little apprentices."

Mason looks over at me smugly, "I'm not the one wearing zip ties, detective."

Maura's big brain has wrapped around my strategy, she nods once and looks over at him, "What was in it for you?"

Mason grinned, " It was fun. The kid was all proud of himself, you know going off to law school, big deal. Idiot was dropping of mystery books for a serial killer."

Hoyt muttered, "I love mysteries."

I kept my focus on Mason, trying to keep playing for time. "So you were the one that set up his bail."

"Yeah. All he had to do for the five k was swallow a balloon."

Hoyt pressed down on my neck, I think he'd figured out what I was trying to do with Mason. "It was too good to be true when litte Gram told me he was off to Boston College to be a double eagle. I knew he was the perfect envelope for my...letter to you. It's time." Mason ran forward again and handed the scalpel to his master and took the taser. I could feel the sharp blade against my neck. It was the feeling that woke me in the night. It was almost like a tickle, but I knew it meant I was going to die.

Marua was talking to Hoyt but I couldn't focus on the words, I was watching her, I wanted her to be the last thing I saw, not the face of the monster who was going to kill me, but the face of an angel. Hoyt's words entered my awareness again when his fingers tightened on me. " I'm dying, and I want company. I think I'm going to take you and dr. Isles with me." He cut into my neck, not enough to bleed me out, but I hissed at the pain.

"Why Maura, take me, fine you've wanted me for ages. But Hoyt, let her go, she's not a part of this."

I glanced over at Maura who was crying and looking away. She couldn't watch Hoyt kill me. Good, I don't want her to see it.

"Oh, Jane, Jane, Jane, you think I don't know? Just because she doesn't know doesn't mean I couldn't smell it. Really, Jane, I thought you knew me better than that. I've always known you were in love with her."

Maura looked over reflexively, her eyes widening and meeting mine. I looked at her, I had never even really been able to admit it to myself but in that moment, when my eyes locked with hers, I knew it was true. I answered her with my eyes and she started to cry harder.

Hoyt moved his body to block my view of her. "And now, I get to do one more of my favorite things. I get to do one more couple." He looks back at Mason, "Hold her down," he nods at me. Mason comes over and I realize what Hoyt means. He's going to rape and kill Maura in front of me, then kill me. I feel Mason's meat hooks holding me down and I thrash against him, I have to save Maura. I look at her, her eyes are following Hoyt's moves toward her, her eyes wide with fear. "NO," I yell.

"I win, Jane," Hoyt hisses with a smile.

"Hoyt, don't you touch her!"

Hoyt puts the taser to Marua and she falls backward. I watch as he brings the scalpel to her throat and begins to cut. When I see blood on her neck, I lose myself. "NO! STOP IT!"

Mason moves close to me to yell, "Shut Up!"

I realize how close he is and bellow as I throw myself forward with all my strength, all my rage and headbut Mason. He reels backward, unprepared for the blow. I have to get him down fast so I can get to Hoyt and save Maura. I knee him in the groin to keep him off balance and then quickly find the taser to incapacitate him. Hoyt turned away from Maura when he heard the guard fall back. Yeah, that's right asshole, keep your attention on me, leave her alone. I hit him across the face with the taser and he falls backward to the floor. I glance at the taser but it hasn't recharged yet. He's lost his scalpel and I scramble after it along the floor, trying to get it while Hoyt is doing the same thing. He grasps it but I have a hold of his hands. These damn zip ties are making it tough to keep a hold of him, but I can't let go. He's weak from his chemo and his exertions are less strong. I push his arm back and put my knee to his throat. Yeah, lets see how you like being the one by the throat for once. He tries to thrash me off him, but I kick him back and elbow him in the face. The blows make him drop the scalpel. I grab it and get on top of him. "I win," I growl and stab him in the heart with his own scalpel, "And you're going to Hell alone."

My first thought is Maura, I turn to check on her when I hear the high pitched sound of a charged taser. Crap, Mason is conscious. I turn to face Mason, scrabbling backward, looking for options. I have to stay conscious to protect Maura. Suddenly, the door bursts open, and I see Korsak, gun drawn and he shoots Mason before the guard can get to me with the taser. Korsak, Frost, and Asshat come into the infirmary. I realize it's over. Korsak helps me up and holds me, just like he did the first time with Hoyt. "You're okay, you're okay," he keeps saying, he cuts my zip ties and I look over at Maura, she's sitting up and Frost has her. I release a breath i didn't know I was holding, just glad she's safe-glad it is finally over.

Marua's POV

Jane is lost in thought while we drive. I couldn't let her go see Hoyt alone. She looks so broken, staring at the road, gripping the wheel. She's gripping it so tightly that her scars stand out prominently on her hands. I can't let her be alone during this. I love her. God, I love her so much and it kills me that this monster is coming after her again. That kills me more than the fact I can never tell her how I feel. I have to do what I can to help her.

I nudge her slightly, "Jane?"

She meets my eyes briefly. God her eyes look so haunted, "Yeah, Maura."

"I want you to stay at my place tonight." I speak with finality. I know she would never ask but she will not be alone with her nightmares.

"Maura, I'm not going to let this bastard keep me out of my house. I will keep living my life."

I will not be deterred by an argument as feeble as that. "Fine, then I'm staying with you tonight."

We're stopped at a red light and she looks over at me, her confident smirk in place and I glimpse some of the old Jane there. "Oh, really? And what would Miss Manners say about you just inviting yourself over as an overnight guest?"

I take a moment to relish this Jane, the cocky, confident, sexy Jane. The one that takes my breath away. I realize she's waiting for an answer and I see fear behind the swagger in her face. I sigh, acting a bit put out at her teasing, even though I love it. "I think, that given the extenuating circumstances of our situation, Emily Post would say that it is perfectly acceptable as long as I bring dinner and plenty of wine."

She grins and I melt a little inside. "Okay, well, if dinner's on you, and you're willing to get me drunk, feel free to invite yourself over. I can't have Miss Manners holding more things against me than she already does."

When we arrived at the jail, she was back in her head staring off in the distance and rubbing her scars. I just wish I knew how to help her more, besides being here. I grabbed her hands to still them.

She looked up at me, eyebrows arched. "Maura?"

I stroked the backs of her hand with my thumbs. "You were rubbing your scars, you don't realize you do it, do you?" I squeezed her hands in support and then headed into the jail.

"Jail Administrator Asshat better not make us get pat downs again," Jane growled. I giggled at the memory of Jane's indignation at them giving me a pat down, then I blushed as the tone of her voice washed over me. I needed to distract Jane. Ah, I knew what to do. "Jane, language."

I followed Jane and Hoyt's guard into the room.

"Hoyt," Jane barked, I knew she wanted to finish this quickly.

"He's been in and out of it," the guard explained.

Jane looked at him, her expression icy. "It's not fair."

I reached out to her, "Maybe he'll still be able to talk to you."

Jane shook her head tightly. "It's not fair because how can a person who tortured so many people get to go out so peacefully?"

Hoyt starts whispering, "Jane? Jane...Jane...come closer...have more bad things to tell you."

I watched as Jane walked toward him stiffly. I didn't want her to get any closer, but my brave Jane would never let her own fears stand in the way of saving someone else. I hear her voice, absent of any of the warmth it usually has. "I'm here."

I watched Hoyt carefully, waiting for signs of deceit in his microexpressions. I was so focused on his face, I didn't notice his body move at first but then I heard Jane cry out and I saw him grab her and yank her down onto his hospital bed.

I look over at the guard expecting to see him spurred to action. Instead he grabs me and drags me across the room, closing the door behind us. He laughed and bit back, "I think I'll watch."

I try to fight Mason off, but he puts me in zip ties, while Hoyt binds Jane.

My eyes are locked on Jane. I watch Hoyt holding her by the throat and hear his whispered birthday wish. Anger roils through me as he strokes her and tries to terrify her. He looks up at me for a moment and smirks. I quickly mask my expression. If he knows I'm in love with Jane, he'll use that to hurt both of us more. I have to keep my feelings inside, because I will not let my love for Jane be a tool for him to use to cause her more pain. I look at Jane, her eyes still show fear, but she's also trying to work things out, still trying to find an escape for us. I start to analyze our advantages, they are few. We are still alive, at the moment. Frost and Korsak know where we are. We are in a jail infirmary, there are long but not impossible odds, that someone will come in for medical supplies. Medical supplies, what could I get access to? I glance around the room but the options are pitifully bad, anything that could be useful would be locked up so it couldn't be used by prisoners. Ironic as now I wanted to use it against a prisoner. Think Maura, other advantages...

Mason's fingers dug into my shoulder and I looked up, Hoyt spoke to him, "The taser." Mason pushed me back and handed it to Hoyt. I watch as Hoyt caresses Jane with the taser. "I could turn it on if you like."

The thought of him hurting Jane rips my heart and I don't even realize that I'm crying and yelling, "NO!" Jane looks over with me and locks eyes with me. She's still trying to reassure me, to protect me. I have to protect her. Why can't I figure out a way to save her?

Hoyt hasn't used the taser yet, he is still running it along Jane's skin. He mutters something but the rage and the fear are overtaking me and I can't make out what he said.

I hear the rasp of Jane's voice and I look at her again, she is talking to Mason. Of course, Mason could be another advantage. He is a prison guard, not an apprentice of the usual intellectual aptitude that Hoyt would want. I focus on the words being said so I can help Jane. She's saying, "He played you, Mason. Just like he plays all his little apprentices."

The bastard is smug in his reply, "I'm not the one wearing zip ties, detective." I roil at his arrogance. That's it, his arrogance. Jane is trying to get him to try to step out of the place of apprentice, to turn he and Hoyt against each other.

I look over at him, playing for time and giving him a chance to gloat so he will anger Hoyt. "What was in it for you?"  
The oaf grinned, " It was fun. The kid was all proud of himself, you know going off to law school, big deal. Idiot was dropping of mystery books for a serial killer."

Jane nodded once to show me I was taking the right track. "So you were the one that set up his bail."

Mason nodded dumbly. "Yeah. All he had to do for the five k was swallow a balloon."

Hoyt pulled focus back to him, and his crimes. I think this might be playing into our hand as it was dismissive to Mason. I needed to get him to insult Mason's abilities to get the guard off-footed. Mason had responded to something Hoyt said and ran forward with a scalpel for Hoyt. Mason was back quickly, holding the taser to me. I still needed to get Hoyt to insult Mason. I looked at the scalpel at Jane's neck. Come on, Maura, focus on what you need to do. I turned to Mason, "You killed him. That's why the edges of the stab wounds were so clean."

Hoyt took the bait. He moved his scalpel away from Jane and turned to me, "Very good, Dr. Isles. Though Rod here doesn't wield his scalpels with the same finesse, he did get Grahm, so I could be here with you." He turned back to Jane. Damnit, he's given a back handed compliment, that wasn't enough. He began to speak again, this time to Jane. "I'm dying, and I want company. I think I'm going to take you and Dr. Isles with me.".

I gasped, quietly. My plan had failed, not surprising really, but there were no cards left to play. Now I just had to will Jane not to ask the question I know that she'll ask because she is who she is.

Jane glared up at Hoyt. "Why Maura? Take me, fine you've wanted me for ages. But Hoyt, let her go, she's not a part of this." And there it was, in trying to save me she was going to have that last thread of security about us taken away by Hoyt. My love would be used to torture her. I looked away, crying at the indignity of it all.

I heard Hoyt's taunting voice. "Oh, Jane, Jane, Jane, you think I don't know? Just because she doesn't know doesn't mean I couldn't smell it. Really, Jane, I thought you knew me better than that. I've always known you were in love with her."

I must not have heard that correctly. My head swiveled at them and I couldn't believe Hoyt had misread the signs. I locked eyes with Jane. Part of me longed for it to be true. I had longed for it so long that this might sustain me. Jane's eyes softened and she gave the smallest of nods. I broke down. We could have been together this whole time, and now we were going to die.

Hoyt moved between us so I couldn't see Jane. I had to tell her. She had to know I loved her too. I had to stop crying long enough to get that out. Wait. It is worse if I tell her. She should not have to feel this bitterness. I keep my mouth shut. Hoyt is next to me and Mason is holding Jane down. Oh, God, this is going to play out like one of his earlier murders. I track every movement Hoyt makes. I hear Jane yell "NO!"

Hoyt turns to her, "I win, Jane."

Jane is struggling against Mason. God, I love the bravery, the fight she has. "Hoyt, don't you touch her!" Jane, my noble good paladin, is fighting for my life to the last. I want to look at her. To let her eyes be the last thing I see. But I don't want her to have to watch me die, so I focus on Hoyt. Then Hoyt puts the taser to me and I fall back. I have lost all motor control. I can't get up, I can't fight. I can't see anything except the stained ceiling tiles of the infirmary.

I hear Hoyt, "You're going to feel a little pinch, doctor." I close my eyes and picture Jane's face. I think about all the times we've been together at my home, or at the dirty robber, or her tackling a suspect. I feel the scalpel start to cut and I know he hasn't transected any major arteries yet. He is drawing this out, to torture Jane. I hear her tortured voice, desperately screaming, "NO! STOP IT!"

I hear the guard tell her to shut up. Then I hear her cry of outrage and the crack of bone hitting bone. Then Mason is grunting in pain, and I smile, Jane has overcome the guard, she will be able to escape. I hear the sounds of the fight and I'm not sure who is fighting whom. I hear the taser, but the fight continues so I know Jane is still alert. I hear scrambling along the floor, and Jane cries out and Hoyt grunts in pain. Then I hear Jane's confident voice grind out, "I win. And you're going to Hell alone." I relax, Jane got Hoyt. I wait for her to come to me but then I hear a taser charge and then two shots.

The next thing I see is Frost's face. He's helping me to sit up, and cutting off my zip ties. I realize I can move again and apply pressure to the wound on my neck. I look over and see Jane crying in Korsak's arms. I am floored at seeing my Jane so broken, but I will help her through this. She is my friend, and...she is in love with me too.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Jane's POV

I was kind of bummed that there wasn't a party for me at the Robber. I didn't really want to be alone. Well, at least Maura would be coming by my place...Oh, God, Maura. Shit, what am I going to say to her. After what Hoyt said about me, she's going to be soooo uncomfortable. Crap. Okay, maybe she didn't read my expression right. Shit, she read it fine, I saw it in her eyes. Okay. Well. I'll just have to avoid the subject. Yes, that is exactly what I'll do. I mean, she won't want to bring it up. I can say I don't want to talk about the whole thing. Yes. That will work. I unlocked the door to my apartment and turned on the lights still hatching a plan.

"Surprise!" I hear everyone yell. My hand twitches toward my gun for a second, but I shake it off once I process what's going on. Good surprise, Janie-surprise party, not surprise axe murderer. I smile around the room at everyone who is here. I can't imagine a better way to end this day. I look over at my best friend and there is something more in her eyes, love? Come on, Rizzoli, dream on. I have to get this out of my mind, so I go over to hug my ma.

Maura is excited to give me her present. God, I love that childlike joy she has about things, it's like innocence wrapped up in sexy with an amazing brain. Okay, Rizzoli focus.

"That is a little small for Walter the thoroughbred," I gesture at the box.

She grins and hands it to me. I open it up and pull out, neoprene slippers. What the hell? I read the tag, driving shoes. "Oh, driving shoes, and I need these..."

Maura is grinning like a maniac and explaining how they're racing shoes and all the benefits. I can't help smiling at how adorable she is about this, and then she hands me an envelope and I open it.

"Racing School?! You're sending me to racing school?" I pull her into my arms and our bodies melt together. She was talking about the difference between the horse and the Ferrari I'd be driving, but, honestly, I stopped listening. Between the excitement about her present and the way my body was reacting to being so close to her, I had no idea what she was saying. I held on as long as I could before it got awkward, and my that I mean once I realized I was smelling her hair. Then I went to pull away, and Maura raked her nails along my sides as I pulled back. I sucked in a breath and looked at the smirk she wore, but Franke pulled me away before I could say anything.

I kept glancing over at Maura every few minutes during the party. More than once she caught me at it and gave me a shy smile, but she was always accross the room from me engrossed in conversation with someone else. When she was over talking to Tommy he kept touching her, and I almost lost it. I wanted to get closer to her to make sure everything was okay, but she was keeping her distance. She was avoiding me. Well, I had my answer. She was freaked out by what Hoyt said. Damnit, even from the grave that asshole is ruining my life.

The party ended, the only people left in my apartment are Ma and Maura. Ma, because she wants to get all the cleaning done, and Maura, because she promised to stay with me. Honestly, I thought she'd change her mind, but Maura Isles is a woman of her word. Maura wiped the last dish that Ma washed. They both shouted me down when I offered to help them. 'No, it's your birthday, Janie,' from Ma and 'Jane, let me do this for you, it's the least I can do,' from Maura. I guess she means it's the least she could do because I'm about to get the "It's not you it's me," speech from her once Ma leaves.

Ma wipes her hands on a dish towel and turns to face me, "Are you two girls sure you'll be okay? I can call Frankie to come sleep here."

"No," Maura says quickly then she takes a breath, "That won't be necessary, Angela. We'll be fine."

"Ma, relax, Hoyt is dead, he can't come back anymore." I answered before I thought. Being alone with Maura was the thing that I wanted both most and least. I was so...aware of her now.

"Okay, okay, just trying to take care of my girls. I'll see you tomorrow," and with that, Ma was out the door.

I looked over at Maura, I opened my mouth to speak but Maura beat me to it. "I love your mother, but I thought she'd never leave." She crossed the room in three quick steps, threw her arms around my neck, and kissed me.

I was floored, it took me a minute to realize Maura was kissing me and the way she was kissing me, it was like she thought this would be her only chance and she wanted to make the most of it. Okay, this doesn't seem like the "let her down easy," thing. It's possible I might have misinterpreted Maura's thoughts on what Hoyt said. Once I got over my few seconds of shock, I went from, "Oh God, Maura is kissing me?" to "Hell yeah, Maura is kissing me, and I'm going to kiss her back." I wrap my arms around her resting my hands on her lower back, and slowly walk her backward until she's against the wall. She moans as I press her between my body and the wall. She pulls back for air, but grabs onto my shoulders, holding me in place.

"Wow," I murmured. "That was so much better than I imagined."

"Wow is right," Maura agreed. "I have been waiting to do that since we got out of that dreadful room, and I haven't had the chance until now. It was pure torture." She moved toward me to kiss me again.

"Maura, wait," I said putting my hands on her shoulders to stop her. She froze, her eyes clouding over with hurt and confusion. She ducked her head avoiding my gaze.

I curled my fingers under her chin with my thumb resting on the tip. I gently raised her head until her eyes were meeting mine. "Maur, I'm not saying wait because I don't want to, because, God, do I want to." I caressed her chin with the pad of my thumb when I stopped to take a breath, and a small shudder went through Maura. I smirked. "I just need to understand what's going on. I want to talk first, okay?"

Maura smiled that 1000 watt smile, the one I think only I get to see, and nodded. I took her hand and led her over to the couch. I sat down in the middle and Maura sat to my left but instead of just sitting next to me she turned with her back against the arm of the couch and her legs across my lap. She smiled up at me from this position and I grinned and rested my hands on her legs.

"So, about what he said," I started to say. I didn't want to say Hoyt's name right now, he would just me, him. "What he said about me, and my feelings for you. I guess...well...what do you think about it?"

Maura smiled at me gently. "Jane, I've wanted you since the second time I saw you. Maybe a little the first time, but that look was a little extreme for me."

I laughed, "You mean when I was dressed like a cheap hooker working in vice that wasn't attractive to you? Well, that's too bad, I was hoping to whip that look out again for you soon."

"Well, I've never offered to buy a hooker's coffee before, so I must have had some attraction then too, but I really wanted you when I met you afterward in your normal clothes. And, I've wanted you ever since. I'm not sure when the desire grew into love, but I guess it happened as our friendship progressed."

I was staring at her eyes wide. "Wow, Maur, you aren't holding anything back."

"Well," she said coyly running a hand along my arm, "I very much want to get back to what we were doing when you stopped to talk. So I'm doing my talking as frankly as possible to expedite things. When did this start for you?"

I link my fingers with hers because I'm afraid the answer won't make sense and I want to reassure her. "The thing is...I never realized it...not until he said it. Then once he said it, it was like I woke up. I looked into your eyes, and, because I thought I was going to die, I guess the part of my brain that talks me out of things turned off, and I decided not to lie to myself. I mean, I've always had thoughts about women, especially you, but I always talked myself out of them, convinced myself that it was normal and that I wasn't really...you know." I stopped because I was nowhere near ready to call myself a lesbian. "I would talk myself out of it, but when he said that, I knew it wasn't just about the physical with you. I am in love with you, and the other stuff...you know giving it a title or something...isn't as important as the love, ya know?"

Maura tucked some of my hair behind my ear as she formulated her response. "You've never been with another woman?"

I blushed furiously and now I was the one who couldn't meet her eyes. "No. Until just now I'd never even kissed another woman, besides that girl at Merch for the undercover assignment, and she only kissed my neck so..." Then I glanced at her, "Why? Have you?"

"Of course. Until I met you I was with men and women about equally," Maura replied as casually as if she'd been discussing what kind of wine she generally drank with dinner.

I coughed as I tried to wrap my head around that little nugget. "Oh...um...really?"

"Yes, in fact, my first time was with a girl at school."

My eyes bugged out at that little admission, and I wasn't sure if I was more jealous, or turned on. "First time with a girl?"

Maura shook her head, "No, first time in general."

"Oh...ah...okay...huh...I'm not sure where to go from that...Wait..."

"You're saying that a lot tonight," Maura muttered, but then she smiled to show she was teasing.

I laughed but then remembered what I wanted to say, "No, I mean, you said that you used to date men and women equally, but now you don't. What changed?"

Maura sighed and looked at me as she bit her lower lip. I knew that expression, it was the one she used when she was trying to decide how much of the truth she was going to tell and how much she was going to try to leave out. "Maura, please, just tell me the whole thing. I will be just as honest with you, okay?"

"I don't want to frighten you," Maura whispered.

"Well, after saying that, I think that ship has sailed, what is it?"

"After I met you, I didn't want to be with a woman if she wasn't you. Jane, you ruined me for other women, and we haven't even had sex yet. I mean, I probably wouldn't have gone out with men either but I have needs and I honestly believed you could never... Anyway, more than one man became very angry and stormed out of my house when I screamed your name in bed instead of his."

Hellllllo! That got my attention. Maura had screamed my name when she was in bed with her parade of pretty bachelors of Boston, nice! A spike of desire coursed through me and all the sudden I wanted to hear her scream my name myself. I moved over her on the couch, suspending myself above her body with all of my weight resting on my hands on the arm of the couch and my knee that was between her thighs. "Maur," I growled, "you were thinking of me when you were with those guys, the guys I hated for getting to touch you when I couldn't?"

She nodded, "Yes, often," she squeaked out.

I looked down into her Hazel eyes and saw the want in them. I moved close and nuzzled her ear. "Maura, there will be no one else, besides me, now that you have me, right?"

She moaned. "God, Jane, no one else. You're what I want."

"Good." I nipped the ear I was next to and Maura moaned again running her hands up and down my back.

**Maura's POV**

I was tired of waiting at the ER. I wish Jane had come with me, but IA said we had to stay separated until they'd concluded their investigation. She had to go give official statements at the station because she'd technically stabbed an inmate in the custody of the Commonwealth. An IA detective I didn't know had come to get a statement from me while a plastic surgeon sutured the wound on my neck.

"Detective Billings, how long until I can see Detective Rizzoli," I asked. "Today is her birthday, you see, and I'm supposed to be at her surprise party tonight."

"Dr. Isles, this is pretty open and shut. Your statement matches was Detectives Korsak and Frost told us and I'm sure it'll match Rizzoli's. This is just a formality. Once she leaves the station, you can see her."

"Thank you, Detective, is there anything further you need from me."

"Not at this time, Doctor. I'm glad you're okay."

I glanced over at the intern who was bandaging my wound. "Am I free to go, Doctor?"

She nodded. "Yes, Doctor Isles, just check out at the desk."

I checked out of the ER and then called Angela.

"Maura, how are you doing," Angela's voice raidiated concern, even over the phone.

"I'm fine Angela, Jane is at the station getting everything handled with internal affairs, can I help with the setup at all?"

"Yes, I'm headed over to Janie's now, can you meet me there? Are you sure you're up for it?"

"I'd like to keep busy, Angela. I'll go home and change then I'll be there."

After I gave Jane her present, I tried to convey my feelings in our hug, I'm not quite sure I succeeded. The past four hours have been torture for me. I haven't had a chance to talk to Jane about what Hoyt said. I haven't been able to tell her that I feel the same way, and I still won't be able to when she gets here until this party is over. All I want to do is kiss her senseless, let her know that I reciprocate her feelings. I mean, the longer this goes on the more she'll have put up walls. If I am near her again, I don't know if I'll be able to control myself. I keep the entire room full of party guests between Jane and myself. I have no idea how this is effecting Jane, but she looks at me a lot, and I smile back at her so she knows I'm not avoiding her. I talk to Korsak about his boat, and I talk to Frankie about his detective's exam.

I wind up talking to Tommy for a long time about chess. He keeps touching my arm during the conversation and I keep trying to get him to stop. He is NOT the Rizzoli I want touching me. I know that my flirtation with him was wrong-okay very wrong. It was born out of two things: I honestly believed I could never have Jane, and Tommy and Jane resemble each other so much I thought he might be a good Jane substitute, and I thought if I had any chance of making Jane jealous, it would be with Tommy. Now, Maura, you have to untangle this mess, becasue you basically were planning to use the brother of your best friend, whom you are in love with, to try to get her. To be at least a little fair to me, the Jane substitute plan was the primary one, which is still not fair to Tommy, and that is why I didn't go through with it. Besides, the last thing I needed was for me to have another one of my verbal slips during sex with Tommy. He would tell someone if I said Jane's name instead of his. Plus it is probably even more demoralizing when the woman you're in bed with says your sister's name, and not just the name of some woman you don't know. I glance over at Jane while Tommy is, yet again, moving into my personal space. She grips the can of beer she is holding and her eyebrows narrow in anger. I move out of his space again and pat him on the arm, "I'm going to go see if your mother needs any help with the cake."

Angela is finally done with the dishes and heading toward the door. I'm not really listening to what she is saying but my brain tunes in when I hear her say, "Are you two girls sure you'll be okay? I can call Frankie to come sleep here."

"No!" I think I might have yelled it. I backpedal and explain that we're fine. If Frankie were to come back and stay here I think I would have to sedate him somehow.

Angela hugs me and then Jane. Once the door is closed behind her Jane turns to me, she looks like she's about to speak. I can't let her do that. If she talks, she'll try to talk herself out of this. I speak first, "I love your mother, but I thought she'd never leave."

I move in quickly and cross the room, giving Jane a moment to realize what I'm doing. I give her a gentle kiss, my hands threading through dark silk. My lips are working against her gently but insistently. I'm trying to show her how much we both need this-how much I need her. She doesn't react at first, I must have surprised her. I really hope this was the right thing to do. As I'm deciding that I probably should pull out of this kiss because Jane is not into it, I feel her strong arms wrap around my waist. She starts kissing me back with a desire that matches my own that I've been trying to hold back. I moan as I feel her fingers rubbing gentle circles at the top of my butt. Jane has taken control, this doesn't surprise me, and starts moving us back, one, two , three, four steps and I'm against the wall. She presses against me and I moan again, deepening the kiss. Her thigh has worked its way between mine, and, while I'm not sure she's aware she's doing it, she is pressing that thigh against my sex sending a tremor of pleasure through my body. I break away from her mouth and moan deeply. I look up into dark eyes filled with lust and I hold on to her shoulders to keep from sliding down the wall as my knees are weak.

Jane's husky voice, deeper because of our activities sends a pool of desire south, "Wow, that was so much better than I imagined."

I bit my lip trying to get the power of speech back, "Wow is right. have been waiting to do that since we got out of that dreadful room, and I haven't had the chance until now. It was pure torture." I move in to kiss her again. I can never have enough of her.

"Maura, wait!" The words fire through me like a gunshot and I jerk my head backward, hitting the wall behind me. I blew it, I moved too fast and I scared her off. I look down, because I know if I have to see pity in her deep brown eyes, I will start to cry.

I feel Jane's forefinger under my chin and her thumb resting on it. There is the gentlest of pressure as she moved my face up to meet hers. I sigh, and let her move my face so I meet her eyes. The tears are already starting to form and she'll know how hurt I am. Her low voice fills my head as she speaks, "Maur, I'm not saying wait because I don't want to, because, God, do I want to." My eyes widen at the admission. I'm overcome with the sound of her voice, the feel of her thumb gently rubbing my chin, and her thigh which is still entrenched between mine, and a tremor of need rocks my body. I look at Jane and she is wearing that damn sexy smirk she has and I know she is proud of herself for what she is doing to me. She starts talking again. "I just need to understand what's going on. I want to talk first, okay?"

I smile at her, thinking this might work out after all. Jane threaded our fingers together and led me to the couch. I wanted to keep as much physical contact as possible, so I just sprawled myself across her lap and smiled cheekily up at her. She rested her hands on my legs.

As comfortable as Jane seemed with me, something dark came across her eyes. I realized at once, it was Hoyt. We couldn't talk about us without at least mentioning him. I waited for Jane to talk, as I thought I'd made my feelings about her quite clear.

"So, about what he said...What he said about me, and my feelings for you. I guess...well...what do you think about it?"

I smiled, shouldn't that be obvious? Well, Jane needs to talk this out, and that is what I will do. I will lay all my cards on the table, I make a promise to myself right here to give her anything she needs. And right now, Jane needs information and honesty. "Jane, I've wanted you since the second time I saw you. Maybe a little the first time, but that look was a tad extreme for me."

I could see Jane's eyes crinkle at the memory and she laughed. Maura remembered the thigh high boots, the fishnets, the pleather skirt and the fuzzy white jacket. Combined with the extreme makeup and updo, it was a look so not Jane that she laughed out loud.

Jane grinned. "You mean when I was dressed like a cheap hooker working in vice that wasn't attractive to you? Well, that's too bad, I was hoping to whip that look out again for you soon."

"Well, I've never offered to buy a hooker's coffee before, so I must have had some attraction then too, but I really wanted you when I met you afterward in your normal clothes. And, I've wanted you ever since. I'm not sure when the desire grew into love, but I guess it happened as our friendship progressed."

Perhaps that was a bit too far, Maura. Jane stared at me,"Wow, Maur, you aren't holding anything back."

Time for a distraction from the emotional. Jane has always been physical, I'll try that. I ran my hand up her arm. "Well, I very much want to get back to what we were doing when you stopped to talk. So I'm doing my talking as frankly as possible to expedite things. When did this start for you?"

Jane stared down at our linked hands. "The thing is...I never realized it...not until he said it. Then once he said it, it was like I woke up. I looked into your eyes, and, because I thought I was going to die, I guess the part of my brain that talks me out of things turned off, and I decided not to lie to myself." I inhaled quietly. I'd been right about Jane, she'd been gay all along, just unable to let herself actually feel it. Jane kept going, unaware of my theories, "I mean, I've always had thoughts about women, especially you, but I always talked myself out of them, convinced myself that it was normal and that I wasn't really...you know. I would talk myself out of it, but when he said that, I knew it wasn't just about the physical with you. I am in love with you, and the other stuff...you know giving it a title or something...isn't as important as the love, ya know?"

Maura smiled at her tucked some stray hair behind her ear. I needed to tread carefully here. To reassure Jane while at the same time not letting her know that I had always suspected this. I decided to start small. "You've never been with another woman?"

Jane gurgled in surprise and looked away, blushing, "No. Until just now I'd never even kissed another woman, besides that girl at Merch for the undercover assignment, and she only kissed my neck so..." I tensed in jealousy at that reminder. But then I realized that this news was good, not bad, I could be her first everything with a woman, and I smiled, looking at our clasped hands. Jane continued on, "Why? Have you?"

Uh, oh, Maura, truth time. I decided the best thing to do would be calm and forthright, so that's what I did. "Of course. Until I met you I was with men and women about equally." Ooops, I probably shouldn't have been quite that forthright. The last thing I wanted was for her to ask about the change in my dating habits, but it was too late. Hopefully that detective's mind would focus on other parts of that little nugget of information.

Jane's eyes bugged in surprise. I guess she'd expected that I would say no. "Oh...um...really?"

Well, so far she hadn't focused on the information that I'd changed my dating habits when I met her. I decided to keep the distracting information going. "Yes, in fact, my first time was with a girl at school."

Jane was probably getting overwhelmed with information. "First time with a girl," she choked out

I decided that we would just do this immersion therapy style, get all the information out at once to help her get comfortable with it. "No, first time in general."

Jane's eyes widened and the microexpressions she had ran across her face quickly, excitement, arousal, confusion, shock. "Oh...ah...okay...huh...I'm not sure where to go from that...Wait..."

Her expression settled in the one she makes when she's chasing after a lead. Damn. She's caught on to the one thing I didn't want her to ask about because it would be too much for her. I decided to try to defuse with a joke. "You're saying that a lot tonight." I smiled so she knew I was teasing her.

Jane laughed but continued, "No, I mean, you said that you used to date men and women equally, but now you don't. What changed?"

I tried to think of a way out of this, I really did, but there was nothing I could say that wouldn't overwhelm here at this point. I was trying to figure out how exactly to put it when she asked for complete honesty and offered it in return. I took a deep breath.

"I don't want to frighten you."

"Well, after saying that, I think that ship has sailed, what is it?"

I nodded, she had asked for complete honesty, and that was something I needed from her so I began, "After I met you, I didn't want to be with a woman if she wasn't you. Jane, you ruined me for other women, and we haven't even had sex yet. I mean, I probably wouldn't have gone out with men either but I have needs and I honestly believed you could never... Anyway, more than one man became very angry and stormed out of my house when I screamed your name in bed instead of his." I looked down at my lap, embarrassed at what I'd said. Really, Maura? You had to be that honest? You told her about the verbal slips.

Jane shifted on the couch and I was sure she was going to get up and leave because I'd pushed her to far. Instead, she moved so she was hovering over me her knee back between my thighs. "Maur," she growled. That voice was almost my undoing in normal times, but right now, when it was filled with lust, I wondered if I could have an orgasm just from hearing her talk. She kept going, "you were thinking of me when you were with those guys, the guys I hated for getting to touch you when I couldn't?"

She had been jealous of them. I had wondered. I nodded quickly, "Yes, often.

I met Jane's eyes, my own desire reflected back at me and my hands tightened on the back of her neck. She moved down and nuzzled my ear. "Maura, there will be no one else, besides me, now that you have me, right?"

I let out a deep moan. "God, Jane, no one else. You're what I want."

I could feel Jane smirk against my neck. "Good." She nipped my ear I and my hips shot up against her thigh and my hands started to run up and down her back.


End file.
